The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction contest

I came across this while surfing. I've heard about this contest before--there's usually something on the news about the winning entry. I read through every one of these, and actually laughed out loud on many of them. Here's my favorite:

Ruthanne felt as though she was frozen in time, staring into Steve's eyes, deep turquoise pools of Tidy-Bowl blue, reflecting back the deep passionate love that Ruthanne felt in her heart because Steve certainly didn't feel anything, being in a coma as he was, so what Ruthanne had reflected back to herself was what she herself felt, bouncing off Steve's eyes, because there was absolutely zip going on behind those eyes.

Linda Morgan
Manassas, VA

"Pools of Tidy-Bowl blue!" Brilliant! Here is the complete list. It'll make you laugh, I guarantee.

It reminds me of several years ago, when Cousin Shane and Niece Jen and I did our own little Bad Poetry contest. I wish I still had those, but they are long gone. All I can remember is that Shane's poem (I believe we called them pomes, though) was titled "I Am Pea," and there was something about a lone pea rattling around a plate. Ha ha! Very existentialist. Uh-oh, I feel a bout of Bad Poetry coming on....

Later that morning

I got up really early this morning, so I thought I'd get all cozy on the couch, turn on the TV, and snooze. I made the mistake of turning on American Movie Classics, which just happened to be showing "Hoosiers," which is the best sports movie ever, in my opinion. (I understand that I'm a little biased, though.) I don't know how many times I've seen it, but I never tire of it (even though I know what happens at the end), and it never fails to make me cry like a child. When they're getting ready to go out for the big game, and they all clasp hands, and Coach Dale says quietly, "I love you guys." Aww, man! Gets me every time. Part of it is that I know very well how accurate the movie is as far as "Hoosier Hysteria." It really is that crazy. I found a nice writeup on the movie and the real team it was inspired by, the Milan Indians. It's worth a read if you love hoops and especially, hoops movies.

That afternoon

If you take a look at my favorite sites to the left, you'll see that I've added Dr. Will Miller. I wrote about this a while back, and here is Dr. Will's take on it. This is why I love Dr. Will!

On the Couch: Paris & Narcissistic Delusions

October 1st, 2007

Monday, Lafayette, Indiana

Paris Hilton made an appearance on the David Letterman Show Friday night and predictably he comedically peppered her with questions about going to jail. After tolerating it for a few minutes she began to get edgy and pushed him to change the subject. She said she was there not to talk about going to jail but about her new line of perfume and whatever. Huh?

It was revealing that Paris seems somewhat unaware of why she is famous and why she gets to be a guest on television show. It seems that she does not grasp that she is famous principally because she is a paparazzi icon. She is a young woman living a fantasy life whose unearned wealth, jet set partying, and nightlife antics are a curiosity to idle American citizens. It’s exactly because she went to jail that she has sustained media attention.

Signs that you are clueless

- Although your hearing is perfect, your first response to every question is "what?"

- You have never read a newspaper

- Most of the time you feel bored

- You life’s dream is to be on Project Runway, but not as a designer

- You can name every hot designer purse but cannot make change

- You don’t know how to vote

- Regardless of the occasion you always wear high heels

- You were "let go" by Burger King

- At least once a month you run out of gas

- You cannot name which states are next to yours

I commented about this on Dr. Will's site, and got a comment back:

Thanks for the comment - and YES that is a great observation - her swinging leg was hilarious! Hope you are enjoying the updates. Pass it on.

Will

Dr. Will Miller

drwillm@mac.com

 

Awesome! Dr. Will said I had a "great observation!" I just love him.

 

That evening

It was a nice day today, but the weather is getting cool enough that it was time to switch out my summer/winter clothes. It's actually kind of fun to do that, because I bring up stuff from the basement (and take summer stuff down there) and I usually end up saying, "Oh, I forgot about that! I miss that sweater." I'm sure that in the spring, I'll bring up the summer stuff and say, "Oh, I love that tank top!"

I had a nice call today from our friends Kim and Steve in California. They'd spent the weekend in Monterey, and went to the Aquarium. Steve is a science teacher, and he does a lot of work with his students at the Aquarium. We've been there, and it's an excellent one. My keychain sports a nifty penguin keychain from the Aquarium, a present from Kim and Steve. I had to laugh, because I believe that was the keychain that made it official: I have more keychains on my keychain than I have keys! Car key, house key--what else do I need to carry around with me? What am I, a custodian?

I'm feeling the urge for a Beth's Music Moment, but I've written so much already today. I should probably save it for tomorrow. I haven't decided yet who I'll write about, but I have a couple of bands in mind.

A while back, I made Texas Barbecue Brisket, with a homemade barbecue sauce. I had a bunch of sauce left over, so today I'm doing a chuck roast with that sauce. It smells so good, I can hardly stand it. I will pull the roast out of the crockpot and shred it, then put it back in the crockpot with the sauce, and voilà--shredded barbecue sammitches! Yummy-yum.

 

Tags: Bulwer-Lytton contest, Hoosiers, Hoosier Hysteria, Milan Indians, Dr. Will Miller

My name is Earl...er, I mean, My name is Beth

I'm not sure when I became such a believer in karma, but I've written about it before. Karma is a Hindu term (From the Koran: "Have you considered what you sow? [The Event 56.63]), but you can find the same concept in many societies. The Greeks called it Hubris and Nemesis (That's more of "pride goeth before a fall," but I think it applies here.), and the Bible talks about it in both the Old Testament ("...they that plow iniquity, and sow wickedness, reap the same." [Job 4:8]) and the New Testament ("...whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap." [Galatians 6:7]), and the Roman statesman Marcus T. Cicero wrote, "As you have sown, so shall you reap," about 50 years before the birth of Christ.

In other words, it's not a new concept. It exists today in sayings such as "Like begets like," and "He who lives by the sword shall die by the sword." Around these parts, we mostly say, "What goes around comes around." Even Oprah is getting in on the act by endorsing The Secret, which talks about how our thoughts are magnetic, and whatever types of thoughts we have, we attract that type of behavior. That's simplistic, because there's no denying that sometimes bad things just happen. There's a certain element of chaos in life, and there's nothing you can do to control that.

However, I do believe that to a large extent, we affect our own lives by our behavior and attitudes. If we think positively, work hard, and make every effort to improve ourselves, whether it's through education or exercise or making wise choices, we significantly improve our chances of success. The opposite holds true, as well: if we let our anger and vindictiveness get the better of us, if we don't strive to be the best we can be (to borrow a phrase from the Army), and if we repeat these same patterns over and over, we sabotage our own lives. To use another cliche, that's called shooting yourself in the foot.

It's a choice, folks. There's always a choice. God gave us a brain and every ability necessary to make informed, wise decisions. It's like the guy who smokes two packs a day for 50 years, and as he's lying there dying of lung cancer, cries out, "Why me, God? Why me?" I bet God would like to say, "Why do you think, you ijit?" But, being God and all, He has to forgive, even if we don't use the brains He gave us. It's time our society stopped tolerating the Perpetual Victim. We bear so much responsibility for own happiness--or unhappiness, as the case may be. Make the right choice. I choose happiness every time.

Tags: Karma, blogplugs

Justice League!

Back from Chi-town. While it wasn't fun to have to be in court, I have to say that we feel that justice was done, and it turned out as well as or better than we had hoped. While we aren't experts, we spent a lot of time doing research and discussing the issues. We're just happy to have this behind us.

As for driving to Chicago, man, I'm glad I don't live in that kind of environment. I lived in Indianapolis for a few years, but the traffic was nothing like that in Chicago (that may have changed now, I don't know). I honestly can't imagine doing that kind of driving every day...I'd feel like there were so many other things I could be doing! I guess I'm spoiled with our light traffic in a smaller city. Twenty minutes, and I'm home, which is in a rural area. I like that. There are not many things that strike me as such a time-waster as the traffic crawl.

One thing we got a kick out of...we were in Waukegan, Illinois, and for whatever weird reason, it seems to be Laundromat Capitol of the World. They were everywhere! I have no explanation or theory for this. It just struck us as funny.

A quickie update

Not much time to write--we're off soon to Chicagoland. Unfortunately, it's not a trip for fun--Ken has to make a court appearance Friday morning. I'm sure everything will go well, but it's not how I wanted to burn a vacation day! Wish us luck....

What a difference a day (or two) makes

On Monday, we had a record high of 88° or something like that. Yesterday, it was a lovely 74° or so. Today, it's 50° and drizzling. Yuck! I know it will get a lot worse, but it's still a shocker to have it feel so cool. And when it's raining, too, it makes it feel that much cooler. Sheeba is getting cuddlier, though. He's been standoffish the past few days, and I thought he might not be feeling well. Now he's climbing up on our laps, curling up on the bed...I think he feels fine!

There are two deer in the back yard right now, which reminds me of something funny I saw on Monday. I don't know if I've mentioned the squirrels lately, but they're very busy burying their nuts for the winter. They're running all over the yard, grabbing a nut, burying it, running for another nut, running to another spot--it wears me out just watching them, but like I told Ken, I'm impressed with their work ethic! Well, on Monday, there were a couple of them doing this, and they started chasing each other. They ran in circles for a moment, and I noticed a deer standing a few feet away, by the pond, and he was watching the squirrels. His expression just struck me so funny...he looked kind of puzzled, like "What the heck are you guys doing? You squirrels are crazy!" In the animal world, I wonder if squirrels are considered the hyperactive little kid that drives everyone crazy at family get-togethers?

Did you hear about George Clooney getting into an accident on his motorcycle? I guess he broke a rib or two, and his girlfriend broke her foot. I just read that a couple of dozen hospital workers were suspended for looking at his records, allegedly without authorization. I understand about patient confidentiality (it's a very big deal where I work), but they gave them four week suspensions. That seems awfully harsh to me. Here's what George had to say:

"This is the first I've heard of it," Clooney said in a statement Tuesday. "And while I very much believe in a patient's right to privacy, I would hope that this could be settled without suspending medical workers."

You know, what a decent guy. It seems that while he knows they probably shouldn't have done it, he also understands that he's very much in the public eye, and there were probably some people that couldn't resist. I'm not condoning it, but it seems that he's a lot more understanding than the administrators of that hospital! I bet he's fun to hang out with, and I don't mean that in a jump-his-bones kind of way (although, obviously, he's quite good looking). He just seems like he'd be fun and interesting to talk to!

Later

I just read a thing on AOL about online dating horror stories. Yikes! People moving overseas to find out their new mate was already married, people turning out to be stalkers, etc., etc. It makes me feel very fortunate, because Ken and I happened to meet via an online personal ad he'd placed. He works long hours and never had much of a chance to meet anyone, so he thought he'd try that. Me? I was a couple of months out of a stupid relationship and feeling ready to move on, so out of curiosity, I read some personal ads. At first, it was just for laughs, because some of the ads were so funny! I'll never forget the ad from a guy who wrote that he wanted to give a lady "a sensual shampoo." <snort> What the hell?!

I read Ken's ad, and something just made me think about it for a couple of days. I think it was because he sounded so normal! Finally, I thought what the heck, I'll send him an email. We started writing, and turned out we had quite a few things in common. (One of the things that I liked was that he could actually WRITE. Correct grammar and everything.) We agreed to talk on the phone, and our first conversation lasted a good couple of hours. It was during that conversation, by the way, that we found out that we both love Star Trek and Chris Isaak, among many other things. I think that was all she wrote. We met for lunch the next day, we were engaged 3 months later, and married 4 months after that...and we've lived happily ever after!

I know not everyone has such success. I'm not sure why I got so lucky to find such a great guy on my first try. Maybe the time was just right...I honestly don't know. The online dating horror stories? My advice would be to be very cautious. Listen to what your gut tells you--most people who do online dating have been at it for a while, so you should have enough experience to know what strikes you as a possible falsehood. Don't give out too much information at the beginning. I didn't give Ken my last name until we'd been writing for a little while, and I didn't give him my phone number. When we agreed to talk on the phone, I called the number he gave me. (By the way, when he answered the phone, he said, "Dominos Pizza." It gave me a couple of seconds' pause, but I realized he was being funny. Hardy har!) And when we agreed to meet, I made sure that Cousin Shane knew when and where we were meeting, and Ken's phone number, etc. If I sound like a paranoid freak, okay. Being cautious has served me well over the years.

But yeah...online dating can work. It's actually a pretty good way to meet someone, a little more civilized than meeting them in a bar. I know people have had success with subscriber dating services, but you can probably find something without paying for a subscription. (That's where I found Ken's ad.) Just trust your instincts as to whether or not to trust and believe someone. And be careful out there.

Tags: George Clooney, online dating

Beth's Music Moment

Before I get to that, the AOL journals editor (Joe) wrote about how to register with AOL to leave comments using an existing email address. You still have to go through a registration process, but it's not like actually signing up for AOL. If anyone is interested, you can read his entry here. He's been incredibly helpful with many of his entries, and everything I've tried has always worked! It's just a way for non-AOL users to leave comments if they so wish.

Now to today's Music Moment. No one has suggested a better name to me yet, but I'm willing to consider any and all comers. So for now, Music Moment it is. Today I'll write about The Rainmakers. They hail from Kansas City, Missouri, and they definitely have that "heartland" feel to their music. Straight-up rock and roll, and clever lyrics. (I'm sensing a theme here...one thing that always strikes me is clever lyrics.) I think I first encountered the Rainmakers through the "Downstream" video, which I will include later on. I loved their first album, which was self-titled, and even 20 years later, I bet I remember all the lyrics! All of the songs on that disc are good, but my favorites are "Downstream," "Let My People Go-Go," "Big Fat Blonde," (sooooo-weee!) and "Long Gone Long." Their second album was "Tornado." The songs "Snakedance," "One More Summer," and "I Talk With My Hands" are personal favorites. Their later albums ("The Good News and the Bad News" and "Skin") are also good, but for me, the first two are what drew me in and have stuck with me.

Here are the lyrics to "Long Gone Long." Discussion afterwards.

Older than I used to be, younger than I'm gonna be
Fewer things puzzle me than when I was young
But when my pace is falling slack
I catch myself thinking back
a certain night, a certain summer
Long gone long

August she was swinging low
Town of about a thousand-so
Out of school, ready to get out of here
Off to farm, off to State, each going our separate ways
Graduation message still sweet in our ears

Oh oh oh, clocks are slow
Hearts beat on
Long gone long

Got into a car thatnight
Drove out past the signal light
Past the city limits, guess it wasn't that far
Stopped out on a rural route
Gooch got out his .22
Shooting at a freight train that was hauling new cars

Drinking underneath the stars
Watching counting meteors
Robert said you know those fell a hundred years ago
The light is just now reaching earth
I said man for what it's worth
I think you are wrong and you really don't know

CHORUS

Is something going on, I tell you nothing's going on
Nothing's going on, going on, going on
Is something going on, I tell you nothing's going on
Nothing's going on, going on

Goodbye to the home team, goodbye to the rinky-dinks
Goodbye to a girl, down my street heading home
She stepped out from behind a tree, tears running down her cheeks
Goodbye to more than either of us could have known

This is another of those songs that can bring a tear to my eye. Something about it is just so heartbreaking, and for anyone who grew up in a small town, immediately reminiscent of our own childhood. "Past the city limits, guess it wasn't that far." Man, I hear ya, Bob! Another great line is from the song "Drinking on the Job": "The generation that would change the world is still looking for its car keys." I guess I should mention that this brilliance was written by frontman Bob Walkenhorst. Besides having a way with words, he used to have this crazy mop of hair that was just awesome (you'll see if you watch the videos). I was lucky enough to get to see the band in Grand Forks, North Dakota, of all places. They totally rocked! But it gets hot up there onstage, with all the lights and equipment, and Bob is pretty active onstage...so he was getting pretty sweaty. At one point, he leaned out over the audience and shook that hair, and the sweat flew for a good six feet. My friends said, "Ewwww, gross!" I said, "COOL!" Hey man, he was workin' up there, and I respect that. I expect my musicians to sweat.

I don't know if the band still plays together these days, but Bob is still in Kansas City and still making music. Here is the band's website and here is Bob's. There's nothing fancy about The Rainmakers, but who said good music has to be fancy? As Big Audio Dynamite says, "Just play that music."

Our first video is of the song with the lyrics above, "Long Gone Long." I hope it touches you the way it does me.

Our second video is "Downstream," and if this doesn't make you move, call the coroner, 'cause you're dead.

Tags: The Rainmakers, Bob Walkenhorst

Chicago marathon

When I got online this morning, this was the headline I saw:

CHICAGO (Oct. 7) -- In scorching heat and high humidity, the Chicago Marathon took a deadly turn Sunday.

One runner died, another 250 people were taken to area hospitals because of heat-related ailments, and thousands were denied the chance to cross the finish line in the race long known for its brisk fall temperatures and flat terrain.

Kinda freaked me out, because my friend Felicia was running in the marathon. She was worried all week about it, that she wouldn't be able to finish, that it would be too hot, etc. She was right about the last one, that's for sure. Reading that got me to worrying, so I called work and talked to her. Not only is she okay, she said, "I finished!" She did really well, too, and beat everyone in her group. She said that they told her she could finish at 24 (if you recall, a marathon is 26 miles), but once you reached a certain point, they let you finish. She said that for whatever reason, she felt really good and was able to go the distance. Great job, Felicia! And yeah, we know she's crazy for running marathons, but we love her anyway. Ha!

Later

Criminy, it's hot. I took the recycling out, and it's terribly hot and humid. And to think people ran a marathon yesterday, in this kind of heat...it's no wonder there were multiple cases of heat exhaustion. Felicia has talked about doing an Iron Man triathlon. If she can finish a marathon in this kind of weather, I think she's off to a good start!

A very productive day so far! The roast is in the crockpot, the laundry is almost done (Four loads, mind you! I did sheets and towels, too.), talked to my folks (Mom is a little under the weather, so I hope she feels better soon), and ordered baby gifts for my nephew and his wife (and their baby-on-the-way, of course). I also thought I'd try a little widget from Technorati, a "cloud" of my top tags. Looks like the Irish are leading the pack! I also added links to my most recent entries--I don't know why I didn't have that up there before. A good wildlife day here at Nutwood, too. I saw the redbreasted nuthatch this morning, along with his spouse. Yep, we have a pair! Then there were 12 or so turkeys in the back yard, and I've seen a couple of deer off and on throughout the day. Currently, the back yard and trees are full of grackles. Every so often, a huge flock will descend on our place, and they put up quite a racket. It's also a little creepy, because it always reminds me of "The Birds."

And...later

I've mentioned my friend Jillian's online book club, which will be starting November 1st. I found a neat website today called Better World. They basically salvage library books, etc., make them available for purchase, and use the money to fund literacy programs. What a great idea! They also mention carbon offsetting, but don't get me started on that. If you read this regularly, you know I have my own bugaboos about that. However, books should always be recycled, whether by passing them along to a friend or donating them to a library. (I have to admit that I have actually thrown books in the garbage...but they were written by an ex-BF of sorts, and it was more of a purge than anything else. Sort of "Here's what I think of you AND your books!" I make no apologies for that.) I think this selling salvaged books is a great idea, and I may order some reasonably-priced books on our reading list from them. I'll check our local library first, but there might be some I want to buy.

Yeah, I get it...LATER

This is from the Seven Deadly Sins NFL blog. It made me laugh.

"Bucs head coach Jon Gruden on the opposing quarterback:

"That damn Peyton Manning, he really irritated me today."

That guy can be a real jerk with his, "I'm really good, I can make every throw, I'm a really smart quarterback, I don't make any mistakes, I turn negatives into positives" routine. It just gets old. It's so selfish of him."

Ha! I thought that was pretty funny.

When I talked with Dad today, we talked football, of course. While we're both pleased with the Notre Dame win, we realize they've got a ways to go. Dad also mentioned that he watched the Colts game and he said, "They were like a machine. Every formation, every pass that Peyton threw, every receiver, they were all right where they were supposed to be, doing what they were supposed to be doing. And they had several guys injured!" Dad speaks the truth. It kind of surprised even me, and I know how good they are. But from what I read, they are relentless in their practices, drills, and research, especially Peyton. I'm not trying to jinx them or anything--I know that anything can happen, and I'm not so foolish to believe that they're unbeatable. But they really are looking good, and dare I say it? Better than last year. I know that some don't care much for the precision of a team like the Colts--Ken says he likes smash-mouth football. I guess I'm a little different--I like the sheer elegance of a play executed well, and I like knowing that research and study can result in success. Considering that I'm not quite 5 feet tall, I think it's understandable that I like seeing brains triumph over brawn. I also like seeing a nice, decent guy like Tony Dungy succeed. What can I say? I loves me my Colts.

 

Tags: Chicago marathon, Technorati, Irish, The Birds, BetterWorld.com, John Gruden, Peyton Manning, Colts, Tony Dungy