Abstinence pants, because chastity belts are so 17th century
Angie Felton Jun 6th 2008 2:00PM
As a parent, you hope your child will have the good sense to wait until they are mature (and hopefully, married to the perfect person you've carefully chosen) to become sexually active.
...Kmart, home of the blue light special, is offering a piece of apparel (that strangely, is only available for girls) designed to serve as a giant post-it note on the virtues of being virtuous: sweatpants that say, "True love waits."
Would-be Lotharios are sure to take a step back and smack their foreheads with an open palm when the bubble font and cheery rainbow graphics on the thigh and backside reminds them of the wise words of MC Hammer, "Can't touch this!"
...And what exactly does "true love waits" mean, anyway? Does true love wait for: The weekend? Parents to be out of town? Until after 10 PM? For the third date?
This fun little "news" item on AOL made me laugh, almost as much as listening to Ron Paul's speech on C-Span right now.
Forget willpower, kids, these pants will do it all! Plagued by those pesky biological urges? Tormented by those wacky hormones? Put on your partici-pants (thank you God's Pottery) and say bye-bye to premarital hanky-panky, secks-u-al promiscuity, and any and all lewd and lascivious behavior. Nothin' says, "Back off, Buster!" like a message across your butt. Be sure to wear 'em with a cut-off T-shirt so that the message shows up loud and clear.
What does the message on YOUR butt say? Hot Stuf? Sweetie Pie? Jail Bait? Send the right message, and when they read your butt, let 'em know in no uncertain terms that your butt is not available! Your butt is waiting for true love! Your butt is waiting for nothing less than a knight in shining armor and his shiny lance of steel!
Can't touch this...Hammah Time!