"A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity."
Lazarus Long, a Robert A. Heinlein character
A healthy dose of self-confidence is exactly that: healthy. As a shy person, it took me quite a while to reach that point, and I'll admit to an extreme loathing of public speaking. But on the rare occasion when I have to do it, once I get going, I'm fine.
Sometimes I encounter people who are very unsure of themselves. They second-guess their decisions, and they often feel as if they are doing the wrong thing. Self-confidence is a natural outcome of competency. My feeling is that I will do the best I can, and when I make a decision, it will be an informed one based on my experience and education. If I'm correct, then I've built my confidence. If I'm incorrect, I learn from my mistake and do it right--or at the very least, better--the next time. We have to give ourselves permission to feel confident about things. If we have properly prepared, whether for a test, a job interview, or for life in general, I believe it is a positive thing to enter into it knowing that we know the material, we know our strengths, and we know how to live our life as a decent and kind person.
Insecurities and a constant need for reassurance are never attractive traits. When I was single, it was my experience that most guys found self-confidence an attractive trait. I'm pretty sure Ken found it so, although I won't speak for him. It's something that goes both ways, too. I dated guys that constantly needed attention, and believe me, it was very draining, and eventually, extremely irritating. The above quote states that "jealousy is...a symptom of neurotic insecurity." This certainly applies in our life together, because neither of us is "jealous" of each other's solitude or time alone. We are both content to read our books, work on whatever we're working on, or in Ken's case, play an occasional round of golf on the weekend. I'm quite happy to do my own thing here at home, and I am not jealous of the time he spends on the golf course. Why? Because I'm confident and secure, and have many interests and many things to keep me occupied. (I'll start golfing next summer...I'm sure I won't feel quite so confident about that!)
So please...feel free to let your self-confidence show. I find it much more appealing than the alternative. Seems pretty simple to me.
6 comments:
Self-Confidence is a very welcome trait. For me, a nightmare would be having someone's day revolve around me walking through the door. We love our time together, and I do my best to get home at a reasonable hour (almost always by 6:30 PM). We enjoy sitting at the table for an hour or two each day, talking, reading, paying bills, surfing, or in my case - quite a bit of work. The important thing is that we are together, yet doing our own thing.
Thank you so much. I love, love, love this! I will learn a lot from it. I also emailed it just now to somebody who just may need it, LOL! Love,
Krissy :)
http://journals.aol.com/fisherkristina/SometimesIThink
Self confidence is attractive in a man to me. As long as it doesn't cross the line into cockiness. I suppose I have always been fairly confident in most things. I think a lot of that stems from my Daddy always making me feel I could do anything, be anything. It is not cute, romantic or loving to be jealous. Jealousy is all about self. Love is all about others. - Barbara
Hi, first time visiting you, I believe. Found your link at Magic Smoke reading the blogplugs... good entry, this. I lacked self-confidence growing up. Took me many years into adulthood to feel confident at several levels. Now I seek to build up the confidence in kids so that their insecurities in any particular area may be quashed, eradicated, at least diminished. It's my job to do this every day. If a person, adult or child, gains confidence in one area of his/her life, it would help her increase her sense of confidence in other areas of her life. Sometimes when you meet a person who is needing attention, who drains the emotional energy of their closest friends with their neediness, it is because, as you said, they are not secure in themselves, by themselves. If it has taken years to become insecure, it only takes a few positive experiences with challenging situtations for them to find their confidence. The effect is often like a snowball rolling downhill. I've seen it happen many times over. A self-confident person attracts others ... yes, it is important to let your confidence show so that others can see who you are, and what you can do. And they'll want to do the same. bea
Hello...I came to your journal via Blogplugs.
This was an interesting entry. Confidence can be gained and built on but it can also be lost through lack of use too. I would hazard a guess that a lot of individuals fluctuate between these two positions regularly. Myself included.
I agrree with Lazarus Long...
"A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity."
This was an entry to make you think and something to take on board too.
I'm glad I came to visit.
Jeanie
http://journals.aol.co.uk/kirkbyj05/DaytoDayLifeintheLakes/
Wow, what great comments! Thanks to each of you for visiting and taking the time to write about your own thoughts and feelings concerning this topic. Sounds like we all agree, too. Thanks for reading!
Beth
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