San Diego, CA (AP) - Researchers at Fandango State University have given a name to a malady that they have long considered to be centuries old. While they have not been able to find a specific gene for the condition, they believe that it can be genetically transmitted as well as learned. Environmental factors may also play a part.
The head of the research team, Dr. Milton Puffel, said that several years of hard work have finally paid off. "Historians have suspected for some time now that various individuals have suffered from a condition we have now characterized as Ajocular Dysridiculopathy. Akhenaten, Genghis Khan, Vlad Tepes, Adolf Hitler--all almost certainly had AD...along with other, more serious psychological disorders, of course. But we believe AD added to their pathology."
The team provided signs and symptoms of Ajocular Dysridiculopathy:
1. Frequent rolling of eyes when someone tells a joke.
2. Excessive use of the word "Huh?" and the phrase "I don't get it."
3. A stony glare when a large group of people bursts into laughter.
4. Inability to perceive irony, satire, or subtle jokes.
5. Projectile vomiting when witnessing pratfalls or slapstick humor.
6. General surliness.
7. You often hear people saying, "What's his (or her) problem?"
8. You think David Letterman is the Antichrist.
9. You have your lips pursed grimly.
10.A tendency to attempt world domination.
When asked if there is a cure, Dr. Puffel said, "While we have found no definitive cure as of yet, we've had promising results with various viewing therapies. We've found that reruns of 'I Love Lucy,' 'Monty Python's Flying Circus,' and any Bugs Bunny cartoon have worked wonders with the patients in our study. One patient was cured almost completely after viewing the Lucy episode where she had eggs in her shirt. We are very encouraged."
The entertainment industry has risen to the cause. A telethon is planned for early spring to raise money for further research, with numerous Hollywood stars expected to donate time and money in an effort to find a cure. Comedians are naturally at the forefront of this effort (although Gallagher has been banned from the event).
Dr. Puffel stated, "We believe we can find a cure for this malady. We must find a cure. A cure could change the course of the future of the world. If Lucy had stuffed those eggs in her shirt a mere twenty years earlier, Hitler might have been dancing in a cabaret in Berlin instead of invading Poland."