Sunday, August 17, 2008

Crouton Nation

You asked for it, you got it!
That's right, folks, it's your all-time favorite Crouton Hits, on one low-priced CD! [or LP for those that have not yet upgraded not available on 8-track not available in Rhode Island void if prohibited subject to county state and federal laws not available in all areas]
You eat LOVE croutons...but when was the last time you shared a tender Crouton moment with that special person in your life? Now is your chance, and our special collection of Crouton Memories will make for an evening that you won't soon forget. You'll hear mellow classics like...
"...Croutons, sage, rosemary and thyme..." and " can you mend a broken Crouton?..."
And of course, "...the first time ever I saaaaaw Croutons........"
For those of you experiencing the joy of parenthood, "'re having my Crouton...what a wonderful way to say that you really love me..."
If you love the American classics, you'll enjoy...
"Home, home, on the range, where the Croutons and antelope play..."
And who doesn't love musicals? "Raindrops on roses and whiskers on Croutons..." Or the classic "Wizard of Oz?" "Somewhere over the Crouton, way up high..."
For all of us who are patriotic, don't forget "For purple Crouton majesty, above the fruited plain!"
It's a holiday spectacular when you can join family and friends and sing Christmas classics such as "Silver bells, silver bells, it's Crouton time in the city." Or the heartwarming "Croutons roasting on an open fire, Croutons nipping at your nose."
Are you ready to polka?! "Roll out the Crouton, let's have a Crouton of fun!" Hey hey hey! We're livin' la vida polka!
Everyone loves oldies, and on your all-time Crouton Hits, you'll gets classics like "You ain't nothin but a Crouton," and "Crouton Sue....pretty pretty pretty little Crouton Sue," by the fabulous Buddy Crouton.
You'll also get country hits like "I never promised you a Crouton garden..." and "I'm the happiest Crouton in the whole USA."
Join me as we take a trip back to the sixties and seventies for some of the Crouton classics that we all love to sing along with!
"Jeremiah was a Crouton, was a good friend of mine..."
"I heard it through the CROUTON!!"
"I'm on the midnight train to Crouton" Woo-hoo!
"Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Crouton Band"
And Aretha is all OVER croutons!
"Are you gettin' the Crouton? The Crouton in the dark. Oh yeah!" (Aretha, "The Spirit in the Dark")  Thanks, D!
"C-R-O-U-T-O-N, find out what it means to them,"
And the beautiful love song, "You make me feel like a natural Crouton...."
Are you ready to dance?
"I'm your Crouton man, that's what I am (KC and the Sunshine Band)
Sit back and remember your college days--be sure to turn on your black light first--and relive some "special" days....
"Croutons, peppermints, meaningless nouns, tune in, turn on, turn your eyes around."
"Inagaddadavida Crouton...don't you know that I luv Uuuuu!!!"
"I am the Crouton (goo goo goo joob)!"
"The Dark Side of the Crouton" 
"She walked up to me and she asked me to dance,
I asked her her name and in a dark brown voice she said Crouton
C-R-O-U Crouton...."
Cousin Shane really stepped up to the plate, took the ball, and ran with it, but some of these are obscure punk/new wave songs that we loved back in the day. Some you might recognize, some you might not.
(Don't Fear) The Crouton (Blue Öyster Cult)

Short Skirt Long Crouton (Cake)

Girls Just Want to have Croutons (Cyndi Lauper)

Crouton California (The Eagles)

Crouton on You (Heart)

Croutons Not Glue (I had to ask him about this one, because I didn't remember the song. It's "Carbona Not Glue" by The Ramones.)

Are You Ready for the Crouton Girls? ("Are You Ready for the Sex Girls?" by Gleaming Spires--featured in the movie "Revenge of the Nerds" and one of my all-time favorite 80's songs!)

(Wir fahren fahren fahren auf der) Croutonbahn ("Autobahn" by Kraftwerk)

The Crouton Went Down to Georgia (he was looking for salad to steal) This one cracked me up! Thanks, Shane!

Have a Crouton on Me (AC/DC "Have a Drink on Me")

Rock Crouton ("Rock Lobster", the B-52's)

99 Luftcroutons ("99 Luftballoons," by Nena)

Gut Feeling/Slap Your Crouton ("Gut Feeling/Slap Your Mammy" by Devo)

"All I wanna do is make Croutons with you (one night of iceberg is all we knew)" Heart

Lisa, who started this whole thing (LOL!) contributed a great one, and this was done by Brownsville Station before Mötley Crüe covered it!

Smokin' in the boys room
Smokin' in the boys room
Teacher don't you fill me up with your rules
'Cause everybody knows that Croutons ain't allowed in school

I'll give Indigo the last word, because she probably speaks for the sane and rational amongst us....

"And when did you say visiting hours would be? Sorry no lyrics from me, I know it's a Crouton shame isn't it?"

Hee heee! Thanks, everyone, for playing along. I didn't credit each contribution, but all are available in comments. If one sent via email slipped through my fingers, I apologize, but I THINK I included all contributions. I know that this was complete silliness, but if it brought a smile to your face...? My work here is done. Love you guys!




preciousone25 said...

Your work is done HERE.... I cracked up.... these were GOOD!!!!  Thanks for including mine!!


buckoclown said...

Love It.  Reminds me of the Bob and Tom "Cow Bells" :o)

luvrte66 said...

"Love It.  Reminds me of the Bob and Tom "Cow Bells" :o)"

Ha! Yeah--kickass cowbells! But in this case, kickass croutons! LOL!


valphish said...

I think this may be the funniest entry have ever read.  LOLOL  I nearly fell off my chair!!  My favorites are the Crouton went down to Georgia and Having my Crouton.  LOL  Thanks so much for the laugh. This will swim through my head all day.  Hugs! xox

chat2missie said... where you just eating some special brownies or something?  Only kidding.  This entry was hilarious.

dbdacoba said...

Wonderful.  I laughed again at them, even my own.         DB

rdautumnsage said...

(Does a silly dance) Yay! I had the last word, I had the last word...(Hugs)Indigo

P.s. this was chuckle worthy. Indy

queeniemart said...

You know, you SAY you are sober and have not smoked any illegal herbs in a pipe but girl, you are a riot...a total nut!! This is a classic would have taken me ALL day to think of all these!!!! Love IT.

Lori said...

How in the world did I ever miss this entry!! (Eeew! Whiskers on croutons!)