Sunday, August 17, 2008

Wanted: Dead or Alive

What's your Mafia name? [Warning: brief profanity at this site]
Beth "Extra Arm" R.
Born in 1962, brown hair, green eyes.
Known for intimidating her enemies with constant and almost unremitting cheerfulness. Occasionally lapses into almost-hysterical, infectious laughter; while her enemies are attempting to regain their eyesight after shedding copious tears of laughter, she takes advantage of their blindness to move in. Has reportedly lulled victims into a false sense of security by feigning excessive clumsiness; when they move to assist her, she strikes.
Rumors persist that she travels with a well-trained and sarcastic black cat, but this is believed to be false, as cats cannot be trained.
Known to carry a collapsible footstool with her due to her small stature. Often cuts with excessive sarcasm, especially when the topic is politics.
Signature move: beats her victims senseless with their own severed arm. Occasionally hits people over the head with the book she always carries with her.
Considered extra-armed and extra-dangerous.
Ken "The Toweler" R.
Born in 1962, blond hair, blue eyes.
Known to tease others into laughter, a similar modus operandi to Extra Arm. Powerful golf swing considered by all to be intimidating. Some have called him a tyrant with a nine-iron.  
Powerful organizational and financial skills have resulted in a position of leadership within the Family; his advice is considered to be sound, but he values excellence in return. Often distracts victims by juggling objects at hand; as they follow the objects intently, he will launch the objects (apples, tennis balls, etc.) at a high rate of speed towards their upper body. Depending on the object, serious injury can result. (It has been documented that a member of a rival organization was hospitalized after receiving three golf balls to the head.)
Signature move: tortures victims with repeated towel-snaps to the torso and buttocks. While not confirmed, it is believed that he induced a coma in a man by using a heavy-duty cotton beach towel. The circumstances are not completely known, but most seem to believe that the man had seriously violated safety standards at what the Family calls "The Plant."
Considered extremely dangerous, especially if encountered in the bath section of a department store.
"Extra Arm" and "The Toweler" are known to travel together. If you encounter them, do not attempt to approach them, unless you wish simply to chat. They  have proven to be open and approachable to conversation, although caution is advised due to their sarcasm and teasing comments. All agents are advised to maintain a minimum of a 3-foot distance, which is considered toweling range. If agents find themselves doubled over in laughter, it is STRONGLY ADVISED that they remove themselves from the situation immediately. We cannot stress the importance of this too much, as it is a most dangerous situation when encountering this couple.
I hope you all will find your Mafia name (just give your last name initial) and tell the story behind it. Create your Public Enemy No. 1 profile and tell us about why you are to be feared--and consider adding a mugshot. If you write an entry on your journal, be sure to leave a comment here with the link, so we can all see your fearsome credentials!
Extra Arm


amy122389 said...

The Powers That Be have nicknamed me The Executioner.  Whaaaa?  Lil Ol' Me?!

Hee hee....


preciousone25 said...

This is HILARIOUS... I love it!!!  I can't even begin to think of one for myself.... Hmm, but it might be really fun to try.


chat2missie said...

This was really cute.

queeniemart said...

YOU are have such wit! Extra Arm...that is funny stuff.

buckoclown said...

Love the pictures :o)  Miss your arms.

frankandmary said...

I suppose "She who has too many kittens," is too mild to be a Mafia name. My actual last name probably sounds bad enough.
Gee, I go out of state for a few days & you are chock full of entries!
<catching up. ~Mary

rdautumnsage said...

I knew there was something I didn't know about you guys...(Waving to Beth with ummm Pickles tail)...your full of silliness, don't stop it's refreshing. (Hugs)Indigo

helmswondermom said...

Love the profiles!  I'll have to come back to do this one.

lurkynat said...

"the squeeze?"
"the dutser'?
lol! ilmao!
funny guys
and cool pics

knightbek said...

I am Bill "The Yak" B.  haha  Now, this is just too darn funny.  Love it!  I'm gonna have to get some use out of this for my blog.

Bill, the Wildcat (and/or the Yak)