Friday, July 18, 2008

"To thine own self be true"

John Mellencamp was on Letterman last night, and he looked and sounded great! I've always liked him so much, not just because of his music, but because he is what he is, and he always tells it like it is. They don't call him the Little Bastard for nothing!
He was telling a story last night about how when he was a kid, his Dad caught him in a lie. He knew it, his Dad knew it, and when Dave asked, "Well, what did you do?" John said, "I thought, 'oh hell, I'm just gonna hit him' and I did." He said his Dad just sort of stepped back and laughed, and John realized that his lying wasn't accomplishing anything, no more than his punch did.
When I was young and stupid, I lied about things. The two key words there are "young" and "stupid." I learned very quickly that lies result in more lies, and the next thing you know, you're scrambling to keep up, trying to remember what you said, juggling to keep all the balls in the air...but one will eventually drop, and the entire web of deceit you've woven will collapse around you.
It's just not worth it. In the end, truth will always out.
We got some disturbing news last night. A couple we know...well, the husband suspected the wife was having an affair, he confronted her, she admitted it, and that's that. She took off, who knows where, and I doubt that this rift can be repaired. I find it very sad, and I'm quite disappointed.
When Ken and I first met, he told me his basic philosophy--not just in relationships, but life in general. No lying, no cheating, no stealing. Simple, huh? I submit to you that cheating in a relationship violates not just one, but all three caveats. Not only are you cheating, you are lying about what you're doing and about your commitment, and you are stealing the trust and love from your partnership. If you can't trust each other on that, how can you trust each other in anything?
It is SUCH a betrayal, and it is so hurtful. I've become quite fond of Ken <grin> and I could no more hurt him in that way than I could punch a puppy. Part of the reason I feel that way is because of his trust in ME. I've never had that level of trust before, and it's such a great feeling that I would never want to do anything that would jeopardize it.
Constructing such an elaborate complex of lies has but one conclusion: you'll get caught. Eventually, the truth will catch up to you and you'll get caught. People will see you for who and what you are, and you will lose any trust and respect you've garnered along the way. It's also just plain embarrassing to be caught in a lie (just ask Larry Craig). Is it really worth it?
Chuck Swindoll said, "Honesty has a beautiful and refreshing simplicity about it. No ulterior motives. No hidden meanings. An absence of hypocrisy, duplicity, political games, and verbal superficiality. As honesty and real integrity characterize our lives, there will be no need to manipulate others." Not quite as simple as Ken's rules to live by, but nicely said!


markonit said...

... wow ...  

... you guys are SOOO lucky ... and I am happy for the both of you that you found each other ..!

ziggy2315 said...

My philosophy on life exactly. I subscribe to the idea that WYSIWYG and with all of that comes the truth. Too many times I have been hurt by other people's lies but you will never get one out of me. I want to say it and forget it. I find that the truth offers my conscience a very soft pillow to sleep on at night. No worries and no regrets. I would not want it any other way.

frankandmary said...

I  think some people justify a lot of things. If I mention a small lie, or one by a individual, like when I was doing disability claims & worker's comp claims for one of my practices, someone will say(usu someone who admits to doing something like this themself):  Oh, that poor guy is barely getting by & the BIG companies lie about everything, blah blah blah. Then I usually roll my eyes & shut up. Lots of folks have an agenda & if the lie fits in with their agenda it is ok, if it does not it is wrong.
I read an interview many years ago with Oprah. She was explaining than when she made much less money she was a bit of a spender & when bill time came she'd not sign the check & send it or send the water bill check to the gas bill, etc to keep from paying bills.  She & the interviewer laughed about that.  Uhm, I don't see that as so funny.
But then, I am doing collection calls right now, maybe that is why ;0.
In any event, the problem with all the lying is somebody winds up paying for it, often an innocent person who is doing the right thing.

I had an exchange with someone recently.  She was lying to me, but I'd remembered what she told me last year. She got upset with me that I'd remembered.  Uhm, I don't see that as my problem. I do have a level of sympathy for her after the fact, since I realized she was trying to paint a picture of herself as somewhat more giving or caregiving than she was/is.  I think she truly felt badly she wasn't the person she was saying she was & wanted to appear "better."  That did make me feel sad for her, but it really wasn't my issue. ~Mary

dkb11161970 said...

"... cheating in a relationship violates not just one, but all three caveats...cheating...lying...stealing"

beth, thank you for sharing this.  i've never seen such a concise explanation for this matter and you've gotten to the heart of the matter in just one paragraph.  thanks, debra

chat2missie said...

I so agree with you!  Kevin and I have been married 19 years so far, and I think the reason we've lasted is because we trust each other, we respect each other, and we would never lie to one another!

Have a good weekend.

buckoclown said...

I always find simple is better - No lying, cheating, or stealing.  If you can live by those rules, how can you go wrong?  

helmswondermom said...

I like Ken's philosophy, and I agree.  I would hope that your friends could move past this and heal, but I guess if she's taken off, then she doesn't want the relationship to heal.  It is very sad.  Thomas always said that if he ever wanted someone else so much that he'd give up me and the kids, I wouldn't have to worry about him sneaking around, he'd just come right out and tell me and go.  And as we've become rather fond of each other, to borrow your words, I don't think we'll have to worry about that anytime soon.  Good entry!

mpnaz58 said...

Sounds so simple, really, but how many people actually live that simply??  I know of only a few who can say that and NOT be lying!!  Personally, I can't even tell a lie...I get this feeling in my tummy that just doesn't let me blurt the words.  I've tried believe me, and I just can't.  My husband, for one, knows me much too well...I agree that betraying the trust of someone who trusts you, is the ultimate.  Not worth it, in my book!
xoxo ~myra

jmoqueen said...

I have never understood why people cheat.  I mean when it's found out everyone gets hurt and there is no way back from that.  I would NEVER do it!!  Glad you have Ken and trust him xx